The more I try to do the right thing the more I feel like I have to defend myself. What's up with that? Why should I have to defend myself when I'm the one who is trying to take the high road? Something I'm learning about the high road is that it's hard to keep your feet planted. It's a slippery sucker! First of all, it's so easy to slide down-- for obvious reasons. It's just not an easy path to take. But more importantly, the thing that I'm learning (slowly but surely) is that the view from the high road is totally different from the view at the low road. There's no way the person on the low road can see the freedom that comes with the high road-- that feeling you can get only when you're trying your very best to do the right thing. Not only that, but it's absolutely essential that once you're at the point that you can walk the walk up there, you've got to constantly check your motives. Right now I'm struggling with a situation where my pride is telling me that I'm the GOOD one. Which, of course makes the other person bad. My pride wants me to wallow in self pitty and to go against everything God has been teaching me about how to be selfless for the sake of being RIGHT. So, yeah, it's a slippery little devil, but I'm more determined than ever to not fall. I'm not going to allow my pride or exhaustion to get me off track.
"I waited patiently for the Lord, and he inclined to me and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock. He established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth, praise be to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
You are and always will be holy. You are and always will be Truth. Speak your truth to my heart and help me stand firm on that rock you have placed my feet on. Help me to not be wavered by the gusts of wind that try to side-sweep me. This is do or die time-- either I trust you or I don't. Either you're right, or you're not. Either I'm CHANGED or I'm NOT.